In the beginning
by Armadilloi
Summary: Read by 2/28. It will be deleted.


A/N: Evil J's made me do it. One shot. No amount of whelming will prompt continuance. It's too morose and angsty even for me.

Armor-Plated-Rat

* * *

Los Angeles, CA

"Yes, Director, I understand. Yes, sir. Yes, it's been 19 years since this assignment began…"

That night in bed after making love in an almost desperate and clingy way for her, at least, she dropped her bombshell.

"Sweetheart, I got a call from Langley. I have an assignment and I leave tomorrow. I know it's short notice but we've been very fortunate that one hasn't come along in the past. It's part of our agreement, our commitment to allow us to marry. It's short-term, baby, and I'll be back before you know it."

"Where is it? Can you at least tell me that? Is it dangerous? Will you have a partner backing you up?"

"I don't know where it will be and I don't know if I'll have a partner or be part of a team." She carefully avoided the possibility of going in alone. She was 43 years old and she figured she was definitely off the honey trap roster even if she still looked 35.

They talked until she jumped his bones to end his questions and satisfy her urge to have at least one more intimate experience with her husband. She loved him and only him. There would never be another in her life.

The next morning came with alarming swiftness. She wasn't ready to leave, she dreaded saying goodbye to her family for even a short period of time but this assignment…

Her suitcases were by the door waiting to be carried to the cab waiting to take her to the airport.

"Sweetheart, it has to be this way. I'm sorry. It's the way things work. If I don't go, there'll be hell to pay and you and the kids will pay part of the price. I'm sorry. I'll be back as soon as I can. Trust me, you always have. I love you. Believe that and remember that."

"But damn it, you're my wife. You're their mother. Doesn't that count for anything with you? With them?"

"You _knew _when you married me that this could happen. You knew because I made sure you were told. You knew because I told you and you knew because of who you are. Please, this is hard enough for me without those eyes of yours accusing me..."

He hung his head knowing what she said was true. He was accusing her of not caring, of putting career before family. Yes, he'd been told by the director himself that the marriage was sanctioned but only on the condition that he continue his 'work' for the government and that she be 'available' should the need arise for an 'occasional' assignment.

"Do you really think this is easy for me? Leaving you and the kids? Sweetheart, it's killing me but I have to go. Please, I'm begging you, my dearest love, please just let me go. I'll be back as soon as this assignment is over and then… I'll quit, sweetheart, I'll tell them 'no more'."

He looked down at his shoes, shaking his head in disbelief.

His eyes were brimming with tears because until that point he'd truly believed that she would be back but her promise to quit…well, people in her line of work, apparently his as well, they just can't quit. It was considered 'bad form' and that could only end badly. If that was a lie, what else said had been a lie also?

"Don't you feel anything for our children? Christ, you carried them each for 9 months, you gave birth, surely to God you feel _some_ connection to them? She's 16 years old and he's only 13; haven't you formed any kind of bond with them? They're flesh of your flesh, blood of your blood. How can you just desert them?"

"Damn you, don't you ever accuse me of not loving my children. I've done all this for them – and you. Can't you put aside you paranoia for just one minute and look at this from my point of view?"

"I get it. I understand. This whole thing has been a cover, a way to keep me in line, keep me producing, and the kids? Contributions to the cover. You won't be back. You assignment is over."

They both heard the honking horn of the cab taking her to the airport.

"I have to go. I'm sorry. I have no choice. I – I – I did love you, I do love you. It wasn't all a cover, Steve. I'm sorry."

"Natalie, Natalie, wait, please…" She got in the cab and left as suddenly as she'd appeared all those years before.

How was he ever going to explain to Ellie and Chuck that their mother was gone? And of all days, Mother's Day.

End


End file.
